When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
