I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
