They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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