you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
