I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
