Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize