i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize