You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
