Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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