I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
