you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
