awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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