Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
