i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
