Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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