is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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