Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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