I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize