the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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