can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
