Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
