Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
