Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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