Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
