Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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