Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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