i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
