If i come over, it means nothing
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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