maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
