Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Say something about gay babies.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
