I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
