i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
