Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
