Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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