Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
