college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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