You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
