Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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