I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize