why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
