Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
