The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
