As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
