I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
