before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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