don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
