He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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