i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
