i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
