I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
