bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
