Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
