she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Buhtt sex?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
