her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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