just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
