guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
