You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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