I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
