I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
