all she had left on were here heels. phone five
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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