The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
