I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
