I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't want my vagina anymore.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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