check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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