he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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