oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
