Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
