Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
