Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
